The Legend of Lank
by EpicJackman
Summary: Join the derpy lad Lank on his quest to save Princess Shecanplayhopscotchetta! Taking place during the original Legend of Zelda but more so a world more like that of the Minish Cap, experience the wit and charm this batch of characters has to offer. And as a bonus, a cliffhanger is guaranteed!
1. The Quadforce and Hopscotch

-The Legend of Lank-  
-Chapter 1: The Quadforce...and Hopscotch-

Long ago, in a planet not-so-far away, a boy was born. Actually, no, he was a man. Man… boy? Yes, a manboy. This manboy was named "Lank". Lank was an average human being. He jumped rope, played hopscotch, and wore pink every day… LIKE A MAN! Anyway, his mad hopscotch skills led him to be the Hopscotch Champion of Badrule. His talents, however, were envied by our antagonist, Cannon! Cannon is a boar-man-guy-dude who hates hopscotch because his big feet make him too clumsy; thus, he falls before he can get to the tenth square.

To change the subject forcefully, let's talk about the magical Quadforce. Like the name implies, it is four triangles connected together. They're respective traits are wisdom, courage, power, and the fourth one… nothing… Apparently, Lank has this rumored fourth triangle. While it's the Quadforce of Nothing, Cannon believes that this is what gives Lank his hopscotch, and mediocre jump-roping abilities.

Cannon started crafting an evil plot! He decided to steal the princess of Badrule, Shecanplayhopscotchetta. Most people just call her Sheetta (She-etta) instead. If they don't call her that, they'll call her Gurl. Being the hopscotchin' bad boy Lank is, he just calls her Shecanplayhopscotchetta because, y'know, she can play hopscotch pretty well. As kids, Lank and "Gurl" had never met, but when they did, it was cliché at first sight! Thankfully, they only played hopscotch and DDR. But thanks to Cannon, it was made into a love triangle! Cannon admired Gurl too, but he had to kidnap her to do so.

He stole the Quadforce of Power and wreaked havoc onto the land of Badrule! But how was he going to kidnap Princess Shecanplayhoscotchetta? It was simple, of course; he simply used his Power Glove along with his Quadforce of Power to double his strength! Using this added strength and power, he kidnapped Sheetta while she was sleeping!

"Oh, no!" screamed Lank.

"Ha ha ha! I, Cannon, have successfully kidnapped the Princess of Badrule; therefore, I will rule the world!" Cannon exclaimed. "I've waited so long to say that…" Cannon thought out loud.

"You can't stop me, Cannon!" bellowed Lank. "I will hopscotch my way toward your castle and I will murdertize you until you can't die again!"

"Huh?"

"I simply stated I seek vengeance because you are stealing my love interest because of your stupidly stupid undying love for her."

"I- uh…"

"I guess you should be going now, I guess…"

"Yeah… I guess so."

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

"SAVE ME YOU SON OF A-" Sheetta shrieked.

It was too late, though. Sheetta was gone and Lank carried on with his awkward life. Sadly, Lank's hopscotch powers weakened more while Sheetta was gone. Society soon rejected him as an average hopscotcher. It hurled him into a state of hopscotch deprivation. It's also called HDSD. Thanks to the HDSD, Lank lost all his rubees to the potions he had to buy to try to stop this horrible disease.

One night, though, Lank saw something. His Quadforce of Nothing was glowing! Little did Lank know, that glow would send him on a journey of moderate proportions! It would be a legend - the Legend, of Lank...


	2. Mellow Fellow

-The Legend of Lank-  
-Chapter 2: Mellow Fellow-

Six months after Lank's precious Princess Shecanplayhopscotchetta was kidnapped, Lank went into HDSD. After wasting all his rubees on potions for those drugs, he went on a walk in the forest. The forest was dark, dank, and filled to the brim with chickens with eight wings, otherwise known as "Octacocks". Other than them, there were no nice animals in the Forest of Badrule.

"Aw, man. I wish more nice animals would come here." Lank said.

"ahjgswyigwydgagdiugwigdw!" shrieked an animal.

"Dafuq?"

While Lank said that last sentence-

"You mean 'Dafuq'?"

Yes, "Dafuq". Anyway, while Lank was saying that bad word hybrid used by internet peoplez, a nut spontaneously flew into his mouth and out his butthole! It was a mesmerizing feeling not yet felt by mankind. Lank felt…enlightened.

"Whoa! I feel enlightened!"

Other than the fact that Lank's too stupid to break the fourth wall, the nut that passed through his system and out his butthole allowed him to speak the gibberish the animal thing said earlier in this stupid story!

"Can you hear me now, dude? DO YOU UNDERRRRRSTAAAAAAAND!?" sarcastically questioned the new animal that was just talked about.

"Whoa-"

"Stop saying that!" retorted the creature.

"Okay...Gnarly, broski!"

"Your incompetence appalls me…Anyway, my name is Mellow. Mellow the Marshmallow."

"So, I guess that makes you a mellow fellow! Huh, huh?"

"..."

"So, Mr. Mellow Yellow, why are you talking to me, and why did you shoot a nut through me mouth and out my butthole?"

Now isn't the best time, but Mellow is a marshmallow with wings. He comes from the Tribe of The Mellians. Although they're marshmallows with wings, then can shoot acorns from their mouths and they are two feet tall.

"I had to give you the Jabberjabber Nut so that you could speak Mellian. And also, my name is Mellow, not that drink you were talking about."

"That doesn't answer why you came to me, Mr. Mellow Mushroom."

"I was getting to that! Anyway, you're the only one who can defeat Cannon."

"Why me?"

"You're the only one stupid enough to risk your life trying to save Princess Shecanplayhopscotchetta."

"I guess that makes sense. Okay, I'll go… Where do I go first?"

"You have to go through the Forest of Badrule, y'know, the one you're standing in right now."

"But, what about the Octacocks?"

"...I don't think that's their name, Lank."

"Y U knOW mY nAMe?1"

"Because, you told me that time when you were high on crack."

"When was that?"

"Right before I shot a Jabberjabbet Nut down your throat and out your butthole. Too bad the narrator didn't tell the kind readers of this stupid story."

Hey! I can say whatever I want to say. And can you stop overusing the word "butthole"?

"NO!" both cried in unison.

After that, Lank got a good day's nap and took a spork out of the kitchen. Of course, it was nighttime, so there were lots of monsters. But don't worry, Lank's trusty spork would allow him to fend off the monsters! That is…until it broke.


	3. Forests Are A Bore Fest

-The Legend of Lank-  
-Chapter 3: Forests Are A Bore Fest-

Remember Lank's spork? Other than the fact it broke, it didn't actually break from slashing an enemy or eating a salad. No, it broke from Lank striking it against a rock. This rock, of course, was in the middle of the forest and was unprotected. Lank figured he would find his pet rock, Rocko the Snail, would be under there. Why? Because when Lank was six years old, his mother who shall not be named told Lank that his pet rock died and teleported underneath a rock; thus, being reincarnated for Lank to find and to lose again and again for forever and ever.

Now that we know about Lank's spork and stuff, let's see what he's been doing. Notely, we'll see how he's dealing with the loss of his spork...and his snail.

"Oh noes! My spoooooooooork! Why, Rocko, whyyyyyyyy?!" cried our suddenly diapered hero. "He was so young!"

"Hey, baby, STFU!" said an Octacock nearby.

"Yeah, really, shut up, kid!" said a Likeable Likeable.

Suddenly, all the woodland monsters sent by Cannon, instead of killing Lank, started yelling at him! Lank always cried a lot as a kid, so this time was no exception.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! #%&^T%*& %* 222211!"

Lank's constant wailing made the baddies even madder; therefore, it led them to remember they should be attacking Lank instead of making him cry. Thankfully, Rocko came out from under the rock and warned Lank about the baddies. So, Lank got a sixty-nine second head start. Sadly, since Lank doesn't have arms, his running speed isn't great. In the end, he was cut off at the edge of the forest, and he was surrounded by Octacocks and Likeable Likeables.

"...My name is Laaaaank." Lank said in his usual derpy voice.

"...Taser…" replied an unfamiliar voice.

"Who are yoUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!?/1/!?1/1/?!" Lank shrieked whilst being electrocuted.

"They call me Likeable Likeable Larry. I don't wear suits. I don't have leisure. I'm just a Likeable Likeable Larry." answered Larry.

"What're you gonna do to me?"

"...Knife…"

"Huh, what? WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT?!

What will happen to our hero, Lank? Will he escape the Likeable Likeable named Larry, or will he die? Obviously not the latter; but still, you'll find out in the next short chapter!


	4. Troublesome Tom

-The Legend of Lank-  
-Chapter 4: Troublesome Tom-

When we last left off, our hero, Lank, was confronted and tased by Likeable Likeable Larry. Lank doesn't know why he's in this position, but his best guess is "turtles".

"Y U NO LET ME GO?!" memed Lank.

"...Answers…" replied Larry in the same ominous manner as always.

"Wut kind of answers?"

"Answers to where my knife from the end of the last chapter went."

"Oh...I don't know…...Good-bye!" said Lank as he sped off.

Commence the chase scene! Lank ran forward, even though he has no arms. You'd think that Larry would catch up, but remember, Likeable Likeables are waffles; so, Lank just had to outrun the Octacocks. After a minute, Lank's breath was depleting. It's a side effect of having no arms. The end of the forest was nigh, but Lank would pass out before he could ge there. It was getting dark...losing...consc….ious…...ne…..ss…..

Light poured in from the sky when Lank opened his eyes. He wondered if he was dead. He wondered whether Larry had any other questions. He wondered what happened to Larry's knife. But finally, he opened his eyes and-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!11!" shrieked Lank.

Lank was high in the sky! But what was carrying Lank?

"...AGH, Octacock!" screamed Lank.

"Pipe down, kid. You're gonna make me drop ya!" scolded the Octacock.

"Who are you?"

"Call me Tom, but my friends call me Troublesome Tom."

"Okay, Troubl-"

"Stop. You are not my friend."

"Then why did you save me?"

"My original intentions were to sell you on the blackmarket, but then I had a dream…"

"The black market, really?"

"You wanna hear about my dream or not?"

"Sure, I've got time to kill."

"Don't you have a princess to save? Nevermind, I'll start my story. Okay, one night when I was asleep, I had a dream about strippers dancing on the pole, ya dig?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Then I saw...you *shiver* dancing on it, and I noticed you didn't have arms. So then, a voice told me where to find you and that I needed to save you from evil and crap. They said once you were safe, you would sell good on the blackmarket. ...And that's about it."

"I see…"

Lank had had a similar dream once. After having sixty-nine hangovers in the span of one month, he drank his nightly Vodka and went to bed. His dream was about him and Shecanplayhopscotchetta "getting it on" and whatnot. Lank liked the dream; however, because Sheetta had psychic powers from the Quadforce of Wisdom, she read that dream and told everyone that the condom didn't break. It was pretty humiliating for Lank...until he figured out that his condom brand sucked.

Anyway, Lank and Tom conversed about life and stuff. Tom graduated from Cannon U and is a chef at Quad Spices. He has three kids, a stripper for a wife, and the rest of the family is in jail because of various things ranging from grand theft auto to mass murder.

"Hey, Tom?"

"What?"

"Why do your friends call you 'Troublesome' Tom?"

"Uh...no reason…"

"AGH!"

"*whistle* *whistle* *whistle*"

If you didn't catch that, inconveniently after Lank brought up Tom's name, Lank slipped out of his grip and fell.

What did our hero fall into? Was it water, water, or water? It's a tough choice, I know, but you will truly find out in the next exciting chapter of The Legend of Lank!


	5. The Great Deku Turtle

-The Legend of Lank-  
-Chapter 5: The Great Deku Turtle-

Lank is now wet. Lank is afraid of wet. Although he may have a lot of fears, Lank has always wanted to be a turtle. Since he had been given swimming lessons as a kid, he swam to the top of the water and felt like a turtle, Granted, he swam pretty badly because of his lack of arms. He was also green from the seaweed that got onto him.

Before him stood Lake Badlia. Hence the name, Lake Badlia was actually a pretty lake on the outside, but it had a lot of Zohrahs in it. Luckily, Lank didn't actually confront a Zohrah. This Lake, sadly, was the only one in all of Badrule. If you wanted to swim somewhere else, you used the slip-n-slide in the Sanctuary. Luckily, since Lake Badlia is so ugly, it doesn't freeze over in the winter; so, people have water!

Lank is still wet, but he conquered his fear of wet by running around trying to get it off. Lank completely forgot about the creature sitting at the bay. He was sunbathing and he had sunglasses on. He appeared to not notice Lank, but Lank noticed him.

"HELOOOOOOOOOOO! My name is Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank." Lank derped.

This caused the creature to fall out of his chair.

"WHOA!" he bellowed as he fell out of his chair. He looked like a tree combined with a turtle. "What were you thinking, young lad? I was sunbathing! And when I sunbathe, I fall asleep! I will shoot my Turtle Nuts at you!"

"Hooray! More nuts" Lank replied with anguish and excitement.

"...I guess I should introduce myself. I am The Great Deku Turtle, and I-"

"I like turtles."

"Good. Anyway, I was once a full tree; but alas, I was cursed by Cannon."

"Well, at least turtles are awesome."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Soooooo, why are you here Mr. Deku Treetle?"

"Turtle. Anyway, I had a vision. It all began late last night. I was drunk on the couch, because the wife hates me, and I looked out the window. I saw an Octacock having a dream! So, I woke him up by turning up my TV really loud. I came here because I saw you striping and an Octacock told me you would be here. I wanted to give you some money so you can strip for me."

"What? No!"

"I give good tips."

Lank felt adrenaline pumping through him. So, he ran.

"I have a knife, beetch!" The Great Deku Turtle shrieked.

The Great Deku Turtle ran after Lank. The ran around the lake once for some reason and then ran into the Forest of Badlia. It was almost daylight, and mobs burn in the daylight. Lank flew into the forest and saw no signs of enemies. Logically, he kept running. He felt warm and tired, but he couldn't stop. Lank tripped. This fall bruised Lank and the warmness spread. His hand was red, but it could have been the red marker he had as his replacement weapon.

"No, it's blood." The Great Deku Turtle said.

"...Dead…" Likeable Likeable Larry replied.

"Good. I see."

"He was pretty easy."

"I kinda wish he could strip for me. He has the body for it."

"...Knife...So you stole my knife!"

"Uh...no…"

The knife had the letters L-A-R-R-E engraved on it. It was most definitely Larry's since he sucks at spelling. Anyway, Larry sped after The Great Deku Turtle. They ran and ran until they got back to Lake Badlia. They ran an unnecessary lap around the lake and both collapsed from exhaustion on the bay. An unknown creature kicked them both into the Lake. They both drowned, or did they? They will most likely come back later in this story.

"Battles can't be fought alone" she said. Yes, I said "she".

Lank layed there. He was in his own pool of blood and he thinks he is nearing the end. But that won't happen. He heard footsteps. Judging from the footsteps, he knew a woman was coming. Boobies.

"Get up" she commanded.

"Boooooooooooooooobies!" Lank screamed happily. Hers were very big. Lank wondered if they were real or not.

_Slap!_ She slapped Lank! It was logical, but it made Lank want her more. Thankfully, Lank got up.

"C'mon. Let's go." she said.

Lank didn't know who this new woman was. He knew he wanted her. She had arms! Lank probably only wanted her titties, because tittyfuck. We will find out next time!


	6. Antoine and Ginger

-The Legend of Lank-  
-Chapter 6: Antoine and Ginger-

When we last met our hero, he was bloody and a pervert. Today, we'll not further that plotline. Instead we'll meet Antoine the Turtle and Ginger the Mellian. Antoine is a turtle, and Ginger is a high Mellian. If that wasn't clear, then you're stupid. I'm just kidding, I'm sure you're just predominantly dumb.

This plotline starts after Lank met Mellow. It was a regular day in Mellian Land. It's a utopia for Mellians up in the clouds; likewise, our newly-mentioned character, Ginger, was here that day being high. He was in his apartment when Antoine suddenly burst in.

"Hey, dude! Get up! We have to goooo!" Antoine screamed.

"...I'm..in my haaaaappy place, Antony." Ginger replied in protest.

"C'mon! We have to go save some kid or somethin'".

"Fiiine. I'll...get ready….."

While we know Antoine is just your regular turtle, Ginger is a Mellian with red hair and a few burnt places. Ginger's routine is as follows: wake up, hit the Snooze Button, smoke some weed, go to bed, and party hard. It was something that distinguished Ginger from other drunken Mellians. The other ones just loafed around being high; although, Ginger does that too, but he has that character trait, I guess.

So, Antoine's comment wasn't unheard of to Ginger, but it was a rarity since Ginger never really gets ready. It was a surprise to Antoine to even see Ginger get ready.

"I'm...readyyyy, Antony."

"Hmm...I guess getting your hair done is what counts as getting ready; but nonetheless, I like turtles."

"Orly?"

"Yarly."

"Why...did you...make me get...ready anywaaayyyyyy?"

"Oh yeah, we need to rescue some kid or somethin' like that."

"How are we gonna do that? It's not like we have any weapons or anything of the sort."

"What did you just say, Ginger?"

"I...like...turd...Ls."

"That's what I thought...That was a good point, though. We need to find weapons for ourselves."

"I never...saaaaid...thaaat."

"O course you didn't, Ginger."

The two ventured outside. After letting Ginger adjusting to the light, they started walking. They had no idea where they were walking to, they just decided to walk somewhere. Antoine probably knew something, but he wouldn't share it.

After a few minutes of walking, they stumbled upon a bakery. It was Papa Lewis's House of Harmony. Or at least, that's what Antoine told me to write. Anyway, it was your average bakery on the inside. Antoine walked up to the counter and ordered something.

"Whaaaaaat was...it?" Lank asked.

How do I know? I'm the narrator...Okay, I do know. It was a doughnut. Wait, didn't you see Antoine order it?

"Who are you talking to, Ginger?"

"No one. My...name...is...Lank Lank Burger."

"Wait, who?"

"Lank Lank Burger."

"That's the kid! Lank!"

"Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank."

"Y'know, Ginger, you can be smart if you try."

"Burger Lank Lank…."

Anyway, the two sat at a table near the exit. Even though it was a doughnut, Antoine was given silverware. His plan was working! He would simply take a fork and a knife from the bakery and save Lank!

"And I'll just need to-" Antoine said.

"Where do you think you're going with that?" Lewis, the owner, asked.

"I was just...leaving."

"Not with my imported silverware, are you?"

"These utensils are crap! How can they possibly be-"

"Aha! You just admitted you stole my silverware! Now, you are going to pay."

Yes, even with a different perspective and different characters, there still manages to be the guaranteed cliffhanger. But seriously, how will Antoine and Lank escape? You know they will, but how will they so they can meet up with and save Lank? Maybe you'll find out in the next chapter, or maybe you won't!


	7. From Action to Cleavage

-The Legend of Lank-  
-Chapter 7: From Action to Cleavage-

As you would expect, the perspective right now is still 3rd person, but it still focuses on Antoine and Ginger. If you somehow forgot the previous events of the last chapter, Antoine and Ginger have been confronted in a bakery while trying to steal said bakery's silverware.

"Y'see, we were just...RUN!" Antoine screamed.

The two burst from the bakery by crashing through the window. Surprisingly enough, none were harmed in their escape. But, you could say Papa Lewis was hurt. He was filled with anger about what happened to him when he was only seven years old.

That day, it was his birthday. As I said before, he turned seven. He was enjoying his chocolate cake like a normal boy; but as he was about to go hit the piñata, the cake digesting in his stomach spontaneously combusted! The pain was horrible! But instead of exploding, he started breathing fire! It wasn't really fire; it was really cake and stomach acid. But the pain didn't stop there; after breathing everything out, he passed out. But when he did, he fell onto a fork! That fork cut through him, and you get the picture.

So, he grabbed a butcher knife. He bolted through the hole in the window which he would fix later. Since turtles have stubby legs and Ginger was high and bad at flying, Papa Lewis caught up to them very quickly. Once he saw them, he thrust the butcher knife at them; it missed. Instead, it went soaring into the forest nearby, the Forest of Badrule.

"You don't think that will hurt anyone, do you?" Antoine asked.

"...Uh...I don't think soo.." Papa Lewis replied.

"Ginger...is...high…" Ginger added.

"That's not a surprise." Antoine thought out loud.

"I think I'll just be going-" Papa Lewis said.

"Oh no you don't!" Antoine exclaimed. "C'mon, Ginger, let's go!"

"I like pieeeeee."

Completely ignoring the knife that was thrown, they burst into the Forest of Badrule. Non-coincidentally, they ran into Lank and the unnamed female heroine. Thankfully, the knife was lodged in the tree next to Lank. Lank grabbed the knife.

"Y'know, if I had arms, this knife would've severed one!" Lank scolded.

"It was the turtle." Papa Lewis said.

""What!?" Antoine replied.

"Oh, so it was _you_!" Lank said.

"...Stoooooooop iiiiiiiiiittt, pleeeeeeease!" Ginger said.

"Who was that?" our unnamed heroine asked.

"Oooooh! Who's the prostitute you've got with you, Lank? Score!" Papa Lewis said with enthusiasm.

_Slap_! "Owowowow! That hurt!" Papa Lewis yelped.

"I didn't know you were such a perv, Lewis!" Lank snickered.

"You're the one to talk, Lank" our heroine said sarcastically.

"Why...can't...we just be...one big happy...family…?" Ginger said.

"That's not good for ratings." Antoine replied.

"Why are they here anyway?" Lank asked.

"We're here thicken the cast of characters- *cough* *cough* Uh, I mean, we're here to _help_ you, Lank."

"Laaaaaank." Lank derped.

"Are you even listening to me?" Antoine questioned.

"No."

"I sense a great evil is coming, Lank. But in the meantime, you wanna have some fun with the prostitute?"

"I'm up with that!" Lank said.

"Yeah, me too." Papa Lewis replied.

"Whatever will shut up you idiots…" our heroine said whilst sighing. "By the way, stop calling me 'our heroine', narrator. My name is Tits McGee."

"Daaaaaayum! That's a nice name!" Lank said giddily.

Our cast of characters got to know eachother better whilst doing naughty things. Tits McGee's tits are 100% real as tested by Lank. Papa Lewis was an old colleague of Lank at Pizza University even though neither of them got a career in the field of pizza. Ginger was an Elementary School dropout, and he met Antoine in an alley when Antoine was beaten up there. Ginger watched that happen and did nothing to stop it. Antoine, however, tried to turn Ginger's life around but found out he's past help. Since Papa Lewis owns a bakery, he's well-acquainted with Cannon, because Cannon likes to eat a lot.

"He's, like, my best friend!" Papa Lewis said.

"Cannon is your best friend?" Lank queried with disgust.

"Yeah! He told me a few days ago to kill some guy...named...Lank…"

"Well, good thing I'm not...RUN!" Lank screamed.

Our heroes Lank, Ginger, Antoine, and Tits McGee fled the scene. Unfortunately, Papa Lewis magically got his knife back. He chased after them predictably. Tits McGee ran the fastest since she had arms, so she left everyone else behind. I guess she never really meant it when she talked about not fighting battles alone.

The guys, however became tired. They had been drugged. It probably not the best idea for them to run away from someone faster than them.

"I told you...danger...w...a...s...com...i...n…...g…" Antoine said groggily.

Will our heroes make it out of this situation? Where has Tits McGee gone? And how will the comedy hold up with the plot taking a kinda serious turn? These answers might and most likely won't be answered in the next chapter of this fan fiction!


	8. The Great Escape from Humor House

-The Legend of Lank-  
-Chapter 8: The Great Escape from Humor House-

Last time, our male heroes were drugged by Papa Lewis while the new female heroine, Tits McGee, fled the scene since she has arms. The guys were taken to Papa Lewis's evil lair, the Humor House! There wasn't much humor in it, though; it was mostly filled with death and despair.

When they came to their senses, they were mad. Antoine was raging, Ginger was sleeping, and Lank was fapping. Suddenly, a creature in a fourth cell started talking to Lank.

"Hey, fap kid!" the creature said.

"AGH! Uh...I wasn't fapping...Why would I-" Lank said sheepishly.

"Really, Lank? You were fapping? I thought you could at least wait until we found Titties McGee again!" Antoine interjected.

"I'm pretty sure it's _Tits_ McGee, Antoine." Lank retorted.

"Ooh! Titties! I want some. I mean, I've been in here for five years!" the creature said.

"You've been here for five years!? I think you could have escaped in that time…" Lank replied.

"Well, y'see, I'm a Chocho. We Chochos don't have arms, hands, and we don't really have legs and feet either…"

"Sucks to be you."

"Yeah, i know."

"Sooo, any ideas on how we can get out of here?" Antoine asked.

"Oh yeah. I got ideas. Just let me out of here and I'll tell you!"

"That doesn't seem dangerous at all…..Sooo, okie-dokie get in the chokey!" Lank derped.

The Chocho, whose name is Bob, told our heroes that if one of them can slip through the bars, they can open the doors. This is because the doors are only locked from the inside. After thinking about it for awhile, they figured out only Ginger could fit through there since Mellians are marshmallows.

After an hour or so trying to wake up Ginger, they got him up. Their methods included, yelling, making noise, or whining in ecstasy. The last one was tried by Lank, of course. Eventually, the method that worked was slipping some cocaine into Ginger's cell. The first sniff of it woke him up.

"Wut...duh crap, man…?" Ginger whined. "I was tryyyying to naaaaaap!"

"Ginger, listen carefully. You have to slip through the bars and-" *click*.

"Done."

Joined by Bob, the crew bolted from their cells with the help of Ginger. They found out this "Humor House" was actually Bob's mother's basement. It was pretty sad that Bob was living in his mother's house, and that he was captured in it too! The reason for that is Bob's mother was a prostitute and Papa Lewis "visited" five years ago and captured Bob and killed his mother.

"What a saaaad story…" Lank said sarcastically.

"Hey! It's not like you've ever lost someone near to you, asshole!"

That was a bad idea. Bob's comment triggered Lank's memories of Rocko the Snail and his beloved spork.

"Rooooockooooooo! I miss youuuuuu! If only I had the Maaaaaaster Spoooooo-or-ooooooork!" Lank wailed. "Raaaaaaaaaah!"

Lank lunged at Bob! Since Bob is a Chocho, Lank had the upper hand for once. Lank repeatedly punched and slapped Bob while Bob couldn't fight back. Predictably, Antoine and Ginger watched in silence. Bob was about to die until suddenly, they heard footsteps.

"Uh...not to break the mood or anything, but I hear footsteps." Antoine told everyone.

"I guess it's time to run again…" Lank replied.

"Not so fast!" Papa Lewis added.

"Considering you were the one who captured us, it's kind of surprising to see you come into the chapter this far in." Ginger replied.

"Why's that one not full retard?" Papa Lewis questioned the gang.

"I...like...cereal!" Ginger exclaimed.

"Thanks for the input, retard. But for the time being, I'll have to kill you." Papa Lewis said coldly.

_Bang_! _Bang_! Papa Lewis shot both Lewis and Bob. He said his reasoning was that those two would be killed at the hands of Cannon or his underlings anyway. He went on to say they were both useless and that he'd like to keep Lank and Antoine as prisoners so he can torture them until Cannon can come and finish them.

"...You're an asshole; you know that?" Lank said in disgust.

"Yes I am! It was my best class at Pizza University!" Papa Lewis replied with glee.

"You disgust me…" Antoine said angrily. "Just when Ginger could've been normal again; and, you killed him!"

"You really think so, Antoine?" Lank replied. "I thought he was screwed…"

Antoine used "Glare". It was super effective!

"Uh...Forget I said that…" Lank said sheepishly.

"Now that the sob fest is over, I suggest that you-" Papa Lewis started to say.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!" Antoine growled.

Antoine tackled Papa Lewis which made him drop his gun.

"Go, Lank! I'll fend him off!" Antoine ordered.

"Okay!" Lank said as he ran off.

"Y'know, I was kind of expecting for him to say something like: 'No! You go!'..." Antoine thought out loud whilst beating the shit out of Papa Lewis.

On his way out, Lank stole Papa Lewis's gun. The house was nice, but it reeked of blood and semen. When Lank was out of the house, he could still hear Antoine beating up Papa Lewis. Antoine would probably be fine. But Ginger on the other hand...Lank didn't know.

Lank hated the world right now. Firstly, his girlfriend was captured, but he didn't really care about that much anymore since Tits McGee came along. Secondly, Tits McGee abandoned him when he needed help. And Lastly, nearly all of the people Lank has met are dead...Even most of the bad guys like The Great Deku Turtle and Likeable Likeable Larry were killed. Right now, Lank only had himself. He was separated from his friends.

But Lank can't let these things get the best of him. No, he'll being going solo for a bit. He'll search far and wide for one thing: the Master Spork...


	9. Guardian Gargoyle

-The Legend of Lank-  
-Chapter 9: Guardian Gargoyle-

Poor Lank has been hit by a sudden wave of depression. Thankfully, it's not HDSD as demonstrated awhile ago. Lank thinks that the only thing that will stop this horrible phase is finding the Master Spork.

"I never thought that. Plus, I was never depressed...I was just raging at this cruel world." Lank commented.

Hey! Maybe if this story was a _little_ more serious, then maybe, just maybe, it would make the author money by being published by Nintendo!

"Then the author must be a dreamer. That would never happen!"

_Hey! As the author, I_- Cut it, author. Lank and I don't care for your schmuck! I'll be doing the writing from now on! _You better be glad that I'm typing all of this…_

Uh...sorry about that. It seems that sometimes, the author forgets his place. The real charm of the fan fiction is the fourth-wall-breaking narrator! _I'm pretty sure the wit and charm comes from my brilliant cast of characters…_ Did anyone ask you? _Considering the fact I'm technically having an argument with myself, let's further the plot now, shall we_? I guess so…

So, our hero needs to go find the Master Spork. This weapon can for one slay Cannon, but it can also destroy nearly anything; so, it's near impossible to break! But Lank will find a way… With that aside, Lank headed west toward Mount Crack. This mountain is well know for two other smaller mountains near it respectively called "Mt. Snapple" and "Mt. Pop". References aside, Lank figure he would barrel roll all the way there since it takes awhile to get there.

While heading there, Lank had to cut through Badrule Town. Oddly enough, they seem unaffected from having their princess stolen from them. Lank didn't feel the need to buy a weapon since all his rubees could afford were only stupid lightsabers and diamond swords. Lank didn't need such petty weapons. Only sporks could do justice!

Anyway, Lank passed through Badrule Town and made it to Mt. Crack. Once he arrived, however, a gargoyle was blocking his path.

"Halt! None shall pass!" the gargoyle said.

"But...I neeeeeeed the Master Spork naow!" Lank cried. (**A/N**: That's a purposeful misspelling.)

"NO! I am the Guardian Gargoyle!"

"You mean, like, _my_ guardian? That's cool, because I really need-"

"NO! I am not a guardian to _you_! I am the guardian of the Master Spork!"

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Oh, that's cool...Y'know, I _really_ need that spork."

"Do you really need it? I don't see why you need it."

"Now that you mention it…"

Lank didn't really need the Master Spork. In fact, he just figured out he didn't need it. To improvise, he ran past the Guardian Gargoyle. Since the gargoyle was more or less a statue, Lank, once again, had the upper hand. Lank still had to scale the whole mountain. It was a tall, tall mountain indeed. Once he got to the top, however, he was faced with _another_ gargoyle! Turns out, that was the same gargoyle Lank met at the base of the mountain.

"*huff* *huff* How did *wheeze* you get *gasp* *wheeze* *cough* here so...fast?" Lank asked.

"It was simple, really. I just took the elevator." the Guardian Gargoyle replied.

"I would *huff* 'FFFFFUUUUU-' right now, but *huff* *gasp* *wheeze* I don't care *huff* anymore…"

"Scram, kid. Nobody gets the Master Spork, y'hear?"

"I just scaled a freaking mountain, man! When Lank wants something, Lank lanks until Lank lanks what Lank lanks!"

"Wait, wha-"

Lank phased through the Guardian Gargoyle somehow, and he managed to also phase through the secret door that led to the chamber which held the Master Spork. Lank was filled with glee! Likewise, he heard the door unlocking behind him. So in haste, he withdrew the Master Spork and prepared to strike. It just felt so natural in his hands!

The Guardian Gargoyle finally unlocked the door; but, instead of being unarmed, he had an RPG!

"Prepare to die, infiltrator!" he screamed.

"Not today…" Lank retorted.

The Guardian Gargoyle fired his RPG. He forgot that the Master Spork also deflects things. After a few seconds, Lank had gargoyle chunks all over him, and he had to pee. Nonetheless, Lank had retrieved the Master Spork! Still, he had no idea what he wanted to do next. I guess the writer now has-_ I do not have writer's block_!

"Yeah, narrator! I was gonna go save Antoine and Ginger!"

So after all these crazy shenanigans, Lank barrel rolled back to Humor House. There was no smell of blood, but Lank could still smell semen. He stumbled into the basement with his Master Spork in his hand. Lank would have kicked some serious ass, but there were no asses to kick! No one was there, and the place was spotless. The only clue left was a trail of marshmallow bits.

Since Lank had no other trail to follow, he followed the trail of marshmallow bits. He can't tell whether or not it's a real track or not. Lank just had to find out where everyone in that house disappeared to, even if he had to kill someone. He was going to kill Papa Lewis...then Cannon, or maybe a few others in between; but nonetheless, he would kill people to save Antoine and Ginger.


	10. The Happy Mask Narwhal

-The Legend of Lank-  
-Chapter 10: The Happy Mask Narwhal-

Previously, Lank discovered his friends - and Papa Lewis - were missing! The only trail left was presumably left by Ginger. But was it marshmallow blood, or was it something else? Only the writer's memory can tell if we ever learn that. _...I guess that's true…_

Lank, obviously, followed the trail. Also, he stopped at a McBob's on the way. Turns out, Bob owned a national fast food chain. However, you can only buy salads there, and Salad Garden makes better ones, anyway, for a cheaper price. Notably, his meal at McBob's cost him all his rubees. He also didn't tell the workers there that Bob was presumably dead since Lank forgot about Bob. It was probably because Bob wasn't a main character, but who knows? _I know_. Nobody asked you! _Yeah you did. You said: "But who knows?"._

Moving on, Lank eventually made it to a creepy-looking manor. It was , by the looks of it, sixty-nine floors, but Lank couldn't tell.

"Can we stop using that joke, please?" Lank asked us.

No! We must be as inappropriate as possible! Plus, as usual, it's good for ratings!_ I'm pretty sure it's not…_

Aaaaaanyway, Lank followed the trail. It went in the elevator, but the only elevator button went to the sixty-ninth floor...Ha! I told you! _It's only sixty-nine floors, because I wrote it that way…_ I have a feeling the "argument between the narrator and the writer" joke isn't funny anymore. _That's for you to speculate on, and for me to not care and write it anyway. It's really just a humorous way to lighten up the travelling scenes since that aren't dialogue-filled or action-packed_. Oh…

Once Lank made it to that floor, he heard muffled cries. To his surprise, Lank discovered only Antoine was there. Antoine screamed even louder, but this time it looked like joy and yelling at Lank to "untie me already".

Once Antoine was untied, he said, "Phew. Thanks, Lank. I'm glad I could count on you to save me."

"Sooo, where's Ginger?" Lank asked.

"...I don't know…"

"Well, judging by the trail of marshmallow fluff I followed to get here, I think he's alive."

"Actually, Lank, I think I know a cause to all of this…"

"Really? You do?"

"Yes...I do...I think the cause is _**you**_!"

"WHAT!? What do you mean _me_?"

"Well, it's really your face's fault, not yours…"

"My...face?"

"Yeah...That poker face is so recognizable that all the bad guys know it."

"Where am I supposed to get a new face, Antoine?"

"...I know a guy…"

"Ooof course you do."

Easily enough, our two heroes left the manor with ease. Antoine and Ginger were being tortured there. Sadly, they were being held in separate rooms, so Antoine didn't know if he was dead or alive. Antoine didn't have a bad torture session, but at night, he could hear water splashing and heavy breathing. He didn't know if it was Ginger or Bob.

The two travelled to a discreet shop in Badrule Town. The shop's owner was a narwhal. Other than the fact there was no water around him, this particular narwhal could still breath fine...on life support that is. He was known as the Happy Mask Narwhal. Coincidentally, he sold masks that changed your appearance. However, other than the expensive masks he sold, the cool-looking one wasn't for sale. He said it would do some evil crap or something like that.

"Sooo, how much for that turtle mask?" Lank asked.

"That would beee...one...thousand…..trillion…..nanonillion rubees, please." the Happy Mask Narwhal said.

"...Wait..um I don't have that much; so, how about the octacock mask?"

"Oh, that? The thing doesn't work. So, I'll give it to you for fifty rubees."

"..."

"Uh, Lank?" Antoine asked."

"I don't have any money…" Lank replied.

"Well, if you don't have any money, then you should-"

Lank lunged at the Happy Mask Narwhal! Lank had a plan, actually. He grabbed the evil-whatever-mask-thing from him and jammed it onto the Happy Mask Narwhal's face. The mask clung to the Happy Mask Narwhal and instantly transformed him.

"Lank! Why did you do that? He had a likeable likeable mask for free!" Antoine exclaimed.

"...This way is more fun."

"Fffun...for...y...ou…" the Happy Mask Narwhal replied in a demonic voice.

"Uh-oh…" Lank said realizing his mistake.

The transformation was almost complete. The Happy Mask Narwhal grew horns, snakes on his head, and fangs. He also got arms and legs, unlike Lank. The mask? It disintegrated into his face. From all his moaning and wailing, it didn't look like he was happy at Lank. In fact, when the transformation was complete, he chased after Lank and Antoine. He chased them throughout Badrule Town. Predictably, the Badlians living there did nothing to stop him as if they were NPCs. He chased them all the way to Lake Badlia, which was weird since Lank doesn't have arms and he would surely be tired by now.

Once they got there, the two went straight into the Lake. Forgetting narwhals swim well, they proceeded to get back out of the water. Unfortunately for them, something was pulling them in! Lank and Antoine struggled until they heard the Happy Mask Narwhal approaching.

"Stop, Lank!" Antoine whispered. "He might spot us if we *glug* *glug*.

"Okay, Antooiiiiiine!" Lank screamed as he was being pulled downward.

"Aaaaaah! There they are!" the Happy Mask Narwhal said evilly.

The Happy Mask Narwhal dove into the water, and he- _Whoops! That's all the time we have!_ But- _But nothing! This is the cliffhanger, good-bye!_


	11. ZOINKS the Zohrah

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 11: ZOINKS the Zohrah-

Previously, Lank and co. were plunged deep into the sea. This sea, Lake Badlia, was filled to the brim with monsters called "Zohrahs". They most likely pulled Lank and Antoine underwater, right? Anyways, the two delved deep into Lake Badlia, or so they thought. In reality, they had entered a portal underwater which has taken them to another dimension. It's whereabouts are unknown, but people speculate it to be called Zohrah's Domain.

Once they could breathe air, they were awe-struck. They saw a beautiful palace ahead of them. Sadly, they weren't there for fun and games. No, they were there for other reasons.

"So, how do yOU like it?" a Zohrah asked. He oddly screamed part of his sentence, though.

"Uh...fine, I guess…" Antoine replied.

"I wasN'T talking tO YOu!" the Zohrah continued. "I wAS talkINg to hIM!"

"You mean Rocko?" Lank asked.

"Wait, how'd Rocko get here?" Antoine asked.

"I don't know. Snails can do anything."

"Lank, that's a rock."

"I never said Rocko was here. I simply said that we need to save Ginger, duh."

"You never cease to amaze me, Lank."

"Not to brEAK up the CHAT, buT CaN You plEASE go back to yOUR world?"

"We just got here! Why are you sending us back so soon?" Antoine scolded.

"I'm nOT, silly willy! I was just telling Rocko to go home, because he has no importance in this chapter whatSOever!"

"I've lost all faith in humanity…"

"Well, gOOD thing I'm nOT HUmAN!"

So, our two heroes and the Zohrah named ZOINKS toured the palace domain other worldly thing. There wasn't much to the castle, really. It was just a bunch of columns and whatnot. In fact, Antoine found it pretty fishy. For one, were they really in another world? Secondly, why were they here? But don't worry, ZOINKS will answer that.

"So, ZOINKS, why is your name in caps?" Antoine asked.

"It's an ACROnym, sILLy!" ZOINKS said. "It means Zohrah Or Intellectual Neanderthal Kangaroo Snake."

"I have a feeling the author just couldn't think of a name for you."

"Well, thanks for the insult! In return, I'll tell you a secret!" ZOINKS replied.

"Why no 'tALKing lIKE thIS'?" Lank asked.

"Who cares? It was just a way to distinguish me from all the OTHER CHARACTERS. And besides, you're DEad!"

"Wait...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Lank screamed.

"'Tis true mai boy! You two are both dead!"

"But are you dead too?" Antoine asked. "Why don't we find out?"

As usual, Antoine jumped onto ZOINKS, but Antoine actually had a weapon this time, a tray. Y'know, like a cafeteria tray. Antoine just casually bashed his skull in and stuff. When Antoine knew he was surely dead from his attacks, ZOINKS respawned!

"Whoa…" Lank said in awe.

"Yeah, 'whoa'," ZOINKS replied.

The rest of the day went smoothly. They looked at all the other boring things in the palace, and they were allowed to leave. Maybe ZOINKS was wrong about them being dead, or was he? They went back through the portal that they came in through. For some odd reason, the sky was dark, stormy dark. They took a look around and the Happy Mask Narwhal was nowhere to be seen, thankfully. Yet, something still felt weird.

After a few minutes of trekking, they still saw no one! It's as if everyone was gone or in hiding. It didn't make sense. But, let's just say that Lank had some sense knocked into him.

Punch! "Oof!" Lank winced.

"Ha...ha...ha…" an unknown voice said.

"Who are - Cannon!"

"Wow! Look everybody! The idiot knows who I am! He's so afraid of me...he tried to change his face to hide from me! Isn't that funny?"

An uproar of laughter was heard. This must be some kind of nightmare.

"Where's Ginger?!" Antoine commanded.

"Oh, him? I guess he's alive...but I could always be wrong…"

"SHUT UP!" Antoine screamed.

Once again, Antoine charged towards Cannon; but this time, Cannon got the upper hand. Cannon used the powers from his Power Glove and sent Antoine flying. He crumpled in a heap over at the tree he hit.

"AAAAAAANTOIIIIINE!" Lank screamed. "I hate you, Cannon! I'll kill you!"

"Are you? Or will I kill you first?!"

Cannon charged towards Lank while Lank backed away. Lank withdrew his Master Spork and stabbed Cannon with it. Instead of blood coming out, meat did. Yes, I said meat. Cannon was "meating" to death, and Lank would camp in a corner until Cannon did die. Too bad Cannon had a Crimson Potion. That made Lank have to wait longer for him to die.

Once Cannon was near death, he blew up! Cannon chunks spread everywhere. What happened next was unexpected to say the least. The sky cleared and the people returned! The monsters were gone too! Even Antoine was healed.

"You know what this means, Lank?" Antoine asked. "It means Ginger is healed!"

"We still don't know where Ginger is, Antoine," Lank said.

"But we know he's alive; isn't that great?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

After a week of searching, they found Ginger. He and Antoine embraced and Ginger told them of his experiences.

"I'm still a little confused…" Antoine said.

"Whaaat...is...it?" Ginger asked.

"Back in Zohrah's Domain, some dude said we were dead," Antoine said. "But are we?"

"Maybe…" Tits McGee said.

"When did you get here?" Lank asked. "You abandoned us!"

"I'll explain later. For now...we have to revive Cannon…" she said.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Wut?" Lank finally asked.

"At sunset, since you went to Zohrah's Domain, you'll die if Cannon is still dead." she said.

"How do you know this?"

"While you were kidnapped and on other weird fights and quests, I-"

"You-wha-"

"What's happ-"

"Oh, no! We're losing power! We have to-"

_Bzzt_! One of the worst things that could happen to a gamer happened right now. What just happened will screw everyone over for a while. The power turned off...and they never saved...


	12. Reboot

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 12: Reboot-

Previously, our heroes were about to die. However, the game was shut off without saving. What happened to all the characters? Well, they were simply placed back in their positions at the start of the fan fic, Chapter 1. Thankfully, Lank has retained all of his memories. Sadly, none of the others have. Lank was going to have to follow the events of all the chapters. If Lank screwed up, catastrophic things could happen. For instance, if Lank killed Cannon before he kidnapped Princess Shecanplayhopscotchetta, he'd be convicted of murder. It was a risk, but Lank had to think this through.

"...No, I'm not…" Lank told me. "It's silly to think I would be smarticle for a bit."

Yeah I guess so...By the way, you have twenty-four hours, or you'll be erased forever!

"Will the fan fic live on?!" Lank asked with concern.

It's hard to tell. Good thing you have two alter-egos somewhere. We could replace you with them.

"I have alter-eggos?"

Alter-_egos_, Lank. And no, I will not leggo my eggo.

"Oh, okay."

**Chapter 1: 24 Hours Remain**

Lank didn't really do much here other than play a bunch of hopscotch.

**Chapter 2: 21 Hours Remain**

Yes, Lank wasted three hours playing hopscotch. Lank cut most of the time out by not being so derpy. He did, however, call Mellow "Fellow Mellow" this time around.

**Chapter 3: 20 Hours Remain**

Instead of breaking his spork trying to get Rocko, he just ran through the forest. Likeable Likeable Larry is now erased from existence.

**Chapter 4: 19 Hours Remain**

Lank has never met Likeable Likeable Larry. Troublesome Tom is now erased from existence.

**Chapter 5: 19 Hours Remain**

This time, The Great Deku Turtle was there. The two conversed. But since Likeable Likeable Larry doesn't exist, The Great Deku Turtle doesn't have a knife. So this time, there is a different outcome.

"...I wanted to give you some money so you can strip for me." The Great Deku Turtle said.

"What? No!" Lank exclaimed.

"Fine. I'll take some pictures instead."

"I have a better idea."

"What is it?"

"If you get me some rubees, I'll strip for you."

"Okay! How much?"

"How many rubees do you have?"

"I have about 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 rubees."

"How did you get all of that!?"

"I got it from simple things. Lemon-aids stands, grand larceny, even a few pornos. My greatest source of income, however, was counterfeiting."

"How do you counterfeit a rubee?"

"You simply get a regular rubee and paint it silver."

"Oh, okay. So, give me all your money."

"NO!"

"We agreed!"

"I've got a sword, beetch!"

The ran around Lake Badlia just like the last chapter. Since Tits McGee wasn't there to save Lank. Lank had to escape The Great Deku Turtle. Lank managed to outrun him, but now, Tits McGee doesn't exist.

**Chapter 6: 14 Hours Remain**

Lank couldn't do anything but wait for Antoine and Ginger. No one has been erased from existence.

**Chapter 7: 13 Hours Remain**

The knife was thrown. Lank picked it up as usual. Lank saw this as an opportunity to assassinate Papa Lewis.

"...Screw you, Papa Lewiiiiiiis!" Lank screamed.

Lank lunged toward Papa Lewis. He stabbed him repeatedly until he was dead.

"Dude! What the hell was that for?" Antoine asked.

"If I didn't kill him now...he would kidnap us all."

"How...would...you...know something...like...thaaat?" Ginger asked.

"I is a smert person. Cannot you tell?" Lank derped. Personally, I think that was actually Lank and not sarcasm.

"Okaaay, what do we do next?" Antoine asked.

"I have no idea…Actually, let's go get the Master Spork."

"Oh, okay. I guess it will help us protect you."

"Screw that! I can protect myself. Plus, my spork is broken…"

"No it's-" Snap! "...Not…"

**Chapter 8: 8 Hours Remain**

Nothing of importance happened. Lank and co. travelled to Mt. Crack during this chapter. However, Bob the Chocho no longer exists.

**Chapter 9: 7 Hours Remain**

Lank used the elevator this time. Lank got the Master Spork easily too. The Guardian Gargoyle committed suicide after listening to Ginger for a while.

**Chapter 10: 6 Hours Remain\**

Lank has no need to buy a new face. The Happy Mask Narwhal no longer exists.

**Chapter 11: 5 Hours Remain**

Since the Happy Mask Narwhal, neither does this chapter. Thankfully, ZOINKS the Zohrah no longer exists.

**Chapter 12: 5 Hours Remain**

Lank finally told Antoine and Ginger the whole "Reboot" story.

"Why would I save Ginger?" Antoine scoffed. "His life is screwed!"

"..." Lank replied.

_You have done well, Lank._

"Oh. Hey, Author."

"Hiiiii," Ginger replied.

_Thank you Lank for doing all this. It really means a lot._

"Why'd you make me do this anyway?"

_...Actually, I did it, because I absolutely HATED the last chapter._

"So, you're saying you got rid of my tittyfuck!?"

_No. You still have Princess-_

"No! Her tits are below-average! I need real tits!" Lank whined.

_Fine, I'll write her back into the story. In fact, did you forget that you left The Great Deku Turtle alive?_

"Oops…"

"Wow. I'm back for ten seconds and Lank has already screwed us over!" Tits McGee scolded.

_The troubles don't stop there. The clock is still ticking, Lank. You have five more minutes to exist._

"WHAT?!"

_Just kidding! But seriously, though, The Great Deku Turtle is behind you with a sword._

"No, I'm not," The Great Deku Turtle said.

_Oh, okay…_

"Are guys really this stupid?" Tits McGee pondered.

_Be happy I forced myself to write that, ungrateful character!_

Hey! What about love for the narrator? I deserve some sugar too! Anyways, Lank and co. have been confronted by The Great Deku Turtle. They have gotten rid of non-essential characters, but leaving this guy alive probably wasn't the best idea. But thankfully, the next chapter will be normal with no stupid characters like ZOINKS or gimmicks/amazing but unfunny chapters like this one. Until next time, Lank Lank Burger.

**A/N**: I really don't like Chapter 11, and since I was too lazy to fix it by re-writing it, I used this chapter as a substitute. I can always bring back the now nonexistent characters. Next chapter, we're going back to the basics!


	13. A Link Between Lanks

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 13: A Link Between Lanks-

**A/N**: This chapter might be taken as highly offensive to homosexuals. Viewer discretion is advised.

Oh noes! The game was shut off without saving! Thankfully, Lank fixed that in the last chapter. For some reason, the author wasn't proud of his own work, so he used the last chapter to fix that. Anyways, Lank and co. have no idea what to do. Seriously, they've just been playing hopscotch for the last few hours!

"What should we dooo? I'm bored!" Lank whined.

"Sex, maybe?" Antoine asked.

"Nah, I'm cummed out." Tits McGee moaned.

"Bitch, I knock you up if I want to!" Lank said. "You _my_ prostitute!"

"_Sure_ I am" Tits McGee replied sarcastically.

"Whaat...should...we dooo?" Ginger asked.

"We could get makeovers!" an unknown person giddily squealed.

"Who the hell said that?" Antoine asked with disgust.

"Me, silly! It's me, Link!" Link replied.

"Wait..._You're_ Link?" Lank replied surprised.

"Who else would it be, sugar plum?"

"Please kill me…" Antoine thought out loud.

"*gasp* Why would you think of such an icky thing, Anty-poo? We're just having fun!"

Wait a minute...What happened to The Great Deku Turtle?

"I ran over him with my Turtle Lank Tank." Antoine replied.

Oh, okay.

"Soooo, what should we do first, guys?" Link asked.

"Kill ourselves…" Antoine mumbled.

"Let's go shopping down at Victor's Secret!" Tits McGee said to troll the guys.

"What?!" Lank exclaimed.

"Ack!" Antoine exclaimed.

"Wut…?" Ginger derped.

"Vamonos, my little pootsies!" Link squealed.

"Trololololololololol!" Tits McGee trolled.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" both Lank and Antoine screamed.

"Woo! Victor's...Se...cret?" Ginger pondered.

Our heroes and heroine, joined by Link, went to the mall. If you didn't know, Victor's Secret sold gay clothes for gay people. Across the street was Torie's Secret, which sold lesbian clothes for lesbians. And finally, Jackets, which sells straight jackets for straight people. On a side note, all three sell granny panties.

When our heroes got there, they...well...kind of did nothing. Of course, they forced each other to go with Link and try stuff on. At one point, Lank had on granny panties and a sweater vest. Better than that, there was a book on sale that had a bunch of gay jokes in it. They bought it using Ginger's crack money.

Being fabulous and whatnot, Tits McGee suggested that they go to the gay bar. In fact, they went to a gay bar called Gay Dude's Bar. Their motto was "We're gay, and we're proud!" Lank and Antoine got drunk off their asses, theoretically, while Tits McGee and Ginger partied with Link on the dance floor. Eventually, their drunkenness made Lank and Antoine dance against their will.

After dancing for a while, they sat at a table with Link's gay friends Big Daddy and Frank. Big Daddy was a tiny man who secretly had gonorrhea. He never felt like getting that treated. Other than STD/STIs, Big Daddy worked at Victor's Secret. Frank on the other hand worked at another clothes store called Drunkards. Link had a chat with them while Lank and Antoine read a bunch of gay jokes from their book.

"You're so gay that if you were to need back surgery, the surgeon would bend your back another way! Ha ha!" Lank joked.

"That joke book sucks…" Antoine replied.

"And it's sooo offensive, Lanky darling!" Link said in...disgust?

"Yeah, really, Lanky-poo," Big Daddy added.

"Did I ever tell you I'm not really gay?" Frank replied casually. "I've just been high off my ass for ten long years…"

Link started to tear up. Frank had been such a good friend to him. Frank was a graduate of Not-Sure-If-Gay-or-Not University. Obviously, he got a degree in "Yes! I'm straight!" Frank worked at Drunkards, because the longer you work there, the more beer you get for free. You also got a nice time down at the local strip club. Disgusted by Frank's confession, Link decided I'll also have to go.

"C'mon, guys, let's go!" Link ordered. "_Some_ people don't understand friendship!"

"Aaaaactually, I need to get some tittyfuck." Lank said.

"Yeah, I need some sexy time too." Antoine added.

"I also have to go. I need to prepare my anus and get the lubricant and pornos." Tits McGee joined in.

"...Crack…" Ginger stated.

"*sniffle* Okay...I guess I can cope without you…" Link sobbed. "Goodbye, dearies… See you soon…"

"Aw...I feel bad for her-*cough* I mean him now," Tits McGee said.

"..Really? I don't," Lank said.

"Me neither," Antoine added.

"Where...crack...mon...ey?" Ginger asked.

"...You must've dropped it, Ginger…" Antoine "reassured" him.

"Oh...okay…"

"Not so fast, compadres!" a new person said.

"Indeed. My knowledge of the fine art of Wumbo tells me this pathetic excuse for a human being is the so-called 'Lank'," another person added.

"Just who are you two? And how do you know me?" Lank demanded.

"Yeah! Prepare to be titty slapped if you have a crappy answer!" Tits McGee threatened.

"Me llamo Bank." Bank said.

"With Wumbo as my witness, I am Wank," Wank added.

"And we are...your alter-egos!" both proudly exclaimed in unison.

"Wait...WHAT?!" Lank questioned.

"Remember what the narrator said, Lank. You had alter-egos. So, we're here!" Bank said.

"Just...why...ex...actly…?" Ginger asked.

"Well, a good question deserves a good answer," Wank replied. "My Wumdar tells me I'm neutral, but him, he's the evil one of us."

Bank withdrew a blade. He took a fighting stance. He looked directly at Lank. He is being repetitive in sentence structure. But as our heroes are cornered, how will they deal with this dire situation? They either Lank or they Lank. Whether you understood that statement or not doesn't matter. What does matter is that Lank survives and gets his honorary tittyfuck.


	14. Earthquake? I Think Not!

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 14: Earthquake? I Think Not!-

Bank withdrew his blade. Lank is pretty tired of action sequences by now. The two of them walked around in circles. It was like a western showdown. Except, it wasn't noon. They faked each other out a few times, but they were just stalling. Bank's weapon of choice wasn't a blade. It was something far deadlier.

"Wumb, wumb, Wumbo. Wumbo tells me that I should wumbo to wumbo this wumboation," Wank wumbo'd.

"Pitch, blease. I'm actually about to detonate a bomb on yo sorry azz...mi amigo," Bank snickered.

"WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOO!" Lank screamed.

But suddenly, someone punched Bank, and he fell to the ground with a thud. The person who delivered the blow was none other than-

"Boom! Boom! Fire power, darlings!" Link exclaimed.

"Wh-What?" everyone asked shocked.

"Well, I _am_ the Hero of Time, am I not?" Link boasted.

"But...I thought your Quadforce of Courage was lost!" Lank protested.

"Oh, that silly thing? I just put it in my man purse along with my Master Sword," Link replied.

"So if you were straight back then, what changed you?" Tits McGee asked.

"Well, I always did have the hots for Ganny-poo, but I guess that LSD really did the trick."

"Well, that explains it."

"L..S..D...no good. Only crack..do...just...ice." Ginger corrected.

"I have to say I agree on that one," Antoine added.

"No, silly-willies! I mean subliminal messaging LSD, not that drug stuff. I'm not a hippie, just a_ little_ off, that's all," Link corrected.

"Not to break the conversation, but my Wumboing skills tell me that the bomb will still detonate even though Bank is knocked out cold," Wank wumboed nonchalantly.

"Sí, mis amigos. That bomb _will_ detonate in a minute or two."

"FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU-!" Lank raged.

"Um...Does anybody here know a bomb specialist?" Tits McGee asked.

"Screw that! I can do it myself," Lank said proudly.

"It's not like you can persuade him to _not_ do it…" Antoine told Tits McGee.

"Sadly, that's true…" she replied.

Lank got to work immediately. First, he called for a scalpel for some reason. Then, he got to work. He cut the pink wire; nothing happened. He cut the green wire; nothing happened. Lastly, he cut the kinda-curvy-wire. The bomb's countdown went down twice as fast. They were obviously screwed.

Suddenly, everyone heard booms. They weren't bomb "booms", but they were like earthquake booms. Instinctively, everyone started to panic. They all flailed their arms; even Bank and Wank did. The booms were getting louder and louder; but, they also saw a shadow approaching, a really big shadow.

"It's an earthquake!" Lank screamed.

"No, it's thundarr!" Antoine told Lank.

"Noo! It's a fatass!" Ginger exclaimed. "Look!"

It was, indeed, a fatass. This fatass was actually human, but his ass was just so disproportionate to the rest of his body. He had a time head, torso, and arms sitting on top of his magnificent backside. He didn't even have legs! Unknowingly, his "assquakes" stopped the bomb from detonating!

"NOOO! Mi precioso bomb!" Bank cried. (**A/N**: I'm aware that's wrong in Spanish context.)

"I shalt never let thou criminals endanger heroes!" the fatass said heroically.

"Look! The..butthole...tal...ked!?" Ginger questlaimed. That means questioned and exclaimed.

"I am more than just a butthole, fellow citizen, for I am Buttocks: Master of Buttlery!" Buttocks bellowed.

"By Wumbo, this man must be taken to a plastic surgeon immediately!" Wank exclaimed.

"But you gotta admit, he does have one magnificent ass," Link coed.

"Says the gay guy…" Lank mumbled.

"They may appear dwarfed by the size of my butt, but I could hear that comment, sir Lank!" Buttocks scolded.

"Well, _excuse_ me, princess!" Lank memed.

"Aaanyway, what should we do next?" Antoine asked.

"I have no idea, noble Antoine."

"Butt sex, anyone?" Lank considered.

"With me or with that?" Tits McGee asked Lank.

"Either would be fine…" Lank said sheepishly.

"Let's go, Wank. We have evil-doing to...do…" Bank commanded Wank.

"Wynaut? My PhD in Wumbology will certainly help you achieve you goal."

"Not so fast, Bank!" Buttocks shouted. "Prepare to feel the insides of my glorious anus of justice!"

Normally, I'd censor the scene out; but today, I don't feel like it. Bank and Wank immediately made a run for it. Buttocks rolled after them instead of jumping to them. But when he was in close enough range, he jump on top of them. They both screamed something as they were eaten up by Buttocks' ass. They would forever smell like crap.

"Well, that was disgusting!" Lank exclaimed.

"Nothing to do here!" Antoine memed.

"Yeah...Let's go…" Tits McGee added.

"Titty...fu...q…" Ginger joined in.

"Meh. Close enough, Ginger." Lank said to Ginger.

"Good-bye fellow friends!" Buttocks bellowed as he waved to them.

As Buttocks rolled into the sunset, our heroes pondered on what the hell just happened. I mean, they just saw a giant butt engulf two people at once. How much weirder could it get? Although, considering they have no idea what to do next, it could get weirder.

But, wait! We don't have our cliffhanger for this chapter! _Dangit_! The author whispered something to me.

Suddenly, there was a cliffhanger! Someone appeared and wanted to kill them!


	15. This Chapter is Cannon!

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 15: This Chapter is Cannon!-

Deep within Badrule Castle, a monster lurks. This monster is one of the most foul creatures to have ever been conceived. Some say he was the waste of an egg; others say he is just a fat, fickle bitch. Yes, I'm talking about the one, the only, Cannon! He has eaten so many Twinkies, he's even put Buttocks to shame! 'Cause, y'know, all that weight had to go _somewhere_, right?

But why am I talking about Cannon? I have an answer, fellow reader. The reason for this is: The author ran out of ideas for Lank's storyline, so he decided to change the perspective to Cannon. Thankfully, since Cannon is stupid enough to think we wouldn't write about him, he'll spill his plan to us easily for sure!

Cannon was lounging around in Princess Shecanplayhopscotchetta's castle. His servants were giving him a foot rub. Also, since he set up security cameras everywhere, he was also spying on her since she was showering. He wasn't very satisfied with what he saw. He was actually thinking about just killing her and sending a messenger to Lank. Besides, it's not like anyone could stop Cannon while he had the Power Glove, right?

"Your foulest!" a nearby servant shouted. "You have a visitor!"

"Why must you always interrupt me during porn time?!" Cannon shouted angrily.

"It's just-"

"It's just _what_? Is it more important than my softcore porn time? Huh?!"

"I'll be glad when you're dead…" the servant mumbled just a _little_ too loudly.

Cannon grabbed his throat.

"You..._what_?"

"I'll...be...glad when...you have Lank's head…"

Cannon released his grip.

"That's what I thought you said, Jeremy…"

Yes, the servant's name is Jeremy. He is a Coophaha who reluctantly became Cannon's servant messenger thing. He used to be Bow-wow's servant, but Princess Shecanplayhopscotchetta wanted him as a dildo. So, Bow-wow gave him to Cannon and slowly backed away.

"So… Who is he?" Cannon asked.

"His name is…this handwriting sucks… I think it says 'Jellow', but I'm not sure…" Jeremy replied.

"It's _Mellow_, dumbass," Mellow replied glumly.

"Whatever, Douchebag McGee. Anyway, this guy was snooping outside," Jeremy informed Cannon.

"I got it!" Cannon exclaimed. "I'll just use you as a hostage and-"

"Nope. He's looking after Ginger now since Papa Lewis captured him." Mellow interjected.

"I'll just have to kill you then. How do you like _them_ ap-pels?"

"..He ran off, sir…"

"FFFUUU-" Cannon raged. "After that marshmallow!"

Even though Mellow had wings, there were still snipers in the gallery. Most of their shots missed, but a few hit their target. Mellow dodged swiftly, but he was dodging arrows, spears, and Power Glove beams and stuff. He made it out of the castle with ease, but where would he go next? Cannon was surely stupid enough to follow him to wherever he went.

First, Mellow raced through Badrule Town. Of course, the villagers didn't bat an eyelash at him. However, his head start did allow him to buy some hentai and some drugs. He also had some time to bet on hopscotch players with Cannon. Even though Cannon couldn't play hopscotch himself, he knew how to bet on some players. Notably, a player beat Lank's record by one nanosecond, but we'll talk about him later or not.

Next, Mellow went through his hometown, Mellian Land. Of course, the Mellians actually egged Cannon, Jeremy, and Cannon's army. The Mellian Children also threw insults at Cannon. Since Cannon hates children, he planned on pillaging Mellian Land one day. But for now, his priorities were to capture Mellow. Although, it's not like Cannon actually told him his plans about stealing the parts of the Quadforce since he already has half of it. Having the complete Quadforce would make him win at life for once. And everyone would - like _that_ would happen! Cannon will lose.

"By the way, thanks for the info, narrator!" Mellow said graciously.

Damn mind readers! Anyway, Mellow eventually made it to where Lank and co. were. Since the perspective wasn't focused on them, they kind of just derped around waiting for plot progression. No one really noticed Mellow. They did, however, see Cannon chasing after him.

"No, Penis Head! Nooooo!" Ginger yelled.

"I thought you got over that name, Ginger!" Mellow replied.

"Hey Mellow Fellow," Lank said.

"I thought his name was Jellow…" Jeremy said sullenly.

"Ohaider, Can- Cannon!" Lank screamed.

"Aaand, good-bye." Cannon said sheepishly.

And with that, Cannon teleported away.

"By the way, Lank, Cannon is trying to get all the pieces of the Quadforce with the help of his Power Glove," Mellow told Lank.

"But where will you be going _Penis Head_?" Lank snickered.

"..."

"I'm going to go get my Power Glove back."


	16. Secret Agent Marshmallow

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 16: Secret Agent Marshmallow-

Mellow is pissed right now. Although we didn't know this prior to Chapter 15, the Power Glove Cannon has was actually Mellow's! So, to further one plot line and stall another, Mellow will retrieve what's rightfully his. His plan included butter, golden assholes, and most importantly, a defense attorney, but we'll get to that later.

Mellow's plan is as follows: first, lather some random road with butter; butter is not included; second, place golden assholes at the end of said road; finally, wait for Cannon's Power Glove to stick itself up the golden assholes. Mellow also had a similar backup plan: if all else fails, steal it the old-fashioned way; then, run like hell. Notably, since Mellow doesn't trust anyone but himself, Lank and co. will not be helping, or will they?

Mellow started by lathering the red carpet in front of Princess Shecanplayhopscotchetta's Castle with his I Can't Believe It Doesn't Taste Like Shit butter. That butter was the cheapest but bestestest butter the DRUGstore had. He got the golden assholes out of Buttocks', y'know, butthole. So, he placed them at the end of the buttered road. And if he needed one, he thought his defense attorney should be Boobs MaGoo, Tits McGee's sister. She was the best attorney since Foonocks Left.

Then, Mellow waited. He pondered on why he needed his Power Glove back in the first place. Even if he didn't steal it back, Cannon would still die from Lank and maybe from Link. After a few minutes, Cannon showed up at the scene.

"Ermahgerd! Buttar!" Cannon squealed. Mellow's plan was working so far. "Good thing my weight increases my friction between my feet and the ground!"

"Not today!" Mellow memed with a smug look on his face.

"WHO WAS Thaaaaaaaaat?" Cannon screamed whilst slipping.

Cannon thrashed around as he fell. His hand was stretched out against his will, and it was going straight towards the golden butthole. Nothing could go wrong now...right?

"YOU JINXED IT!" Mellow scolded.

"HAHA! Too bad, sucka!" Cannon laughed as he magically flew away from touching the butt. "Guards! Take this man to the-"

" ," Mellow said.

Mellow had shot Cannon repeatedly with his nuts. Of course, Cannon's soldiers charged after Mellow. Even though Mellow could fly, he still stole his Power Glove back and hovered near the ground. Since he doesn't have hands, Mellow wore his Power Glove on his head. He flew back to where Lank and co. were, and they were still standing there derpily.

"You better hide me!" Mellow shouted.

"But where?" Lank asked.

"Tit...ty fu...uck…" Ginger replied.

"That's it!" Mellow exclaimed. "Quick, Tits McGee, put me under your shirt!"

"Ex-cuse me?" Tits McGee asked. "Can I have a reason why?"

"I don't have time for that!"

"Nobody got time fo dat…" Antoine mumbled.

"*sigh* Fine…" Tits McGee reluctantly agreed.

Mellow travelled up Tits McGee's shirt. It was warm in there. Since Mellow would look weird as her boobs, he stayed there in her stomach. He had no idea what he was doing, but he didn't care. Cannon's minions were probably too stupid to realize Mellow was there. In the end, Tits McGee looked retardedly pregnant.

"WHERE IS HE?!" one of Cannon's soldiers shouted waving his toy gun.

"Where's who?" Lank asked smugly.

"THE MAN WHO KNOCKED UP THIS HUNK OF TITS!" the soldier shouted.

"Oh, him. It was that guy." Tits McGee said pointing towards Lank.

"OH! SO IT WAS YOU?"

"Yeh..So wut?" Lank remarked.

"GOOD JOB, MAN!"

"Um...okay…"

"WHAT WAS I HERE FOR AGAIN?"

"You...were...here to ar..rest...that guy…" Ginger replied pointing towards Mellow.

"WHY WOULD I ARREST A BABY? I SHOULD ARREST YOU FOR BEING A BAD INFLUENCE TO SOCIETY!"

"Noo..There's...a man...under der…"

"ORLY?"

"Yeah, really," Mellow said. "Oh sh-"

"Good job, dumbass…" Tits McGee said to Mellow.

The soldier, who was called I.G. Jay, lifted up Tits McGee's shirt. After staring up for a minute or too awkwardly, he pulled out Mellow. However, his Power Glove wasn't with him. I.G. Jay arrested him just because he felt like it. Mellow FFFUUUed a few FFFUUUUUUUUs. At least he had his defense attorney, right. Turns out, Boobs MaGoo was too busy being a prostitute to do any defense attorneying. Who would Mellow choose as his defense attorney? What was he convicted of? Where did his Power Glove disappear to? Why am I asking so many questions? And, finally, why does the next chapter sound like it's gonna be a parody of the Ace Attorney games? Most of those questions will most likely be answered by mwa anyway, so why am I asking them now? I don't know either! But I do know that you should love the next chapter.


	17. Laaaaank: Ace Attorney

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 17: Laaaaank: Ace Attorney-

(**A/N**: Since this chapter is more or less completely text-based like the Ace Attorney games, dialogue "Me: Will be written like this…" instead of "'Like this,' I said.")

-Detention Center-

-February 4th-

-9:39 A.M.-

Mellow: Well, where's my defense attorney?!

Guard: Well...she kind of didn't show up.

Mellow: She WHAT?!

Guard: Yeah, she's too busy prostituting. You know the drill.

Mellow: Whelp, I'm screwed…

Lank: Not so fast!

Mellow: What the hell do you want, Lank? Can't you see me case is airtight. I mean, yeah, I stole MY Power Glove back, but I didn't kill Cannon…

Lank: Don't worry, Mellow. I'll be your attorney!

Tits McGee: And I call co-council!

Ginger: Can...I...be the...pro..stitutor?

Antoine: No, Ginger, you can't be the prosecutor…

Mellow: Crap! I didn't think about who the prosecutor was!

Lank: Don't worry, Mellow. My dad, Miles Lankworth, is the prosecution!

Mellow: NOOOOO!

Lank: Don'tchu disrupect my fada like dat! You wanna go, huh?!

Tits McGee: No, Lank! He's the best prosecutor around! He'll certainly get Mellow guilty!

Mellow: I'm so screwed…

-District Court - Defendant Lobby #2-

-February 4th-

-9:52 A.M.-

Mellow: The trial starts at 10. Aren't we here just a little late?

Lank: Nonsense! We're right on time!

Bailiff: Will the defense and the defendant please enter the courtroom?

Lank: What?! We just got here!

Bailiff: Dude, you're watch runs slow.

Lank: I don't have a watch.

Bailiff: Then how the - Nevermind…

-District Court - Courtroom #69-

-February 4th-

-10:00 A.M.-

Judge: Hmm...The defendant is screwed. I will now deliver my verdict. The defendant, Mellow Marshmalloian the Mellian, is-

Lank: oBjeCTiOn!11!

Judge: The hell was that?!

Lank: I said "OBJECTION!", didn't I?

Lankworth: *sigh* Objection…?

Tits McGee: Wow. He sighed and said "OBJECTION!" at the same time! Is that even possible?!

Lankworth: You never learned, son. In this courtroom, people don't say "OBJECTION!"

Lank: Then what do they say?

Lankworth: Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. They say "PENIS!"

Lank: Oh, okay. PENIS!

Judge: Yes, Mr. Lank?

Lank: The prostitution hasn't even given their opening statement! How can we give a verdict based on that?!

Lankworth: PROSECUTION, you retard!

Judge: Anyway, I can give my verdict whenever I want to!

Lank: Can you at least send in the first witness, please?

Lankworth: Fine...The PRO-SE-CU-TION calls I.G. Jay to the stand.

*Le screen fades*

Lankworth: Witness-

IG Jay: YES?!

Lankworth: Please state your name and-

IG Jay: I.G. JAY, SIR!

Lankworth: ...And your occupation?

IG Jay: ANSWERING QUESTIONS IS HARD!

Lankworth: It's not hard! Just-

Judge: I'll stop you right there, Prosecutor Lankworth, some retards like these are too retarded to be cross-examined. I'll hand down my verdict n-

Lank: PENIS!

Judge: God da-

Lank: Where's the autopsy report?

Lankworth: The same place where your attorney's badge is, NOWHERE!

Lank: That hurt, man. That really hurt!

Judge: So, you're saying the DEFENSE attorney isn't even really a defense attorney?

Lank: No, here it is!

Tits McGee: Do you really think that he-

Judge: Yes, I think that badge is real. I guess Mr. Jay can testify to what he saw.

Tits McGee: You do realize that you have no evidence to object with?

Lank: Yup!

-Witness Testimony-

-What I Saw-

1. THE DEFENDANT STABBED THE VICTIM WITH LANKWORTH'S KNIFE!

2. HE RAN AWAY!

3. I LIKE TURTLES!

4. I HAVE A PUSSY...CAT!

5. THE DEFENDANT IS SCREWED!

Judge: What's with this knife, Prosecutor Lankworth?

Lankworth: Yup, it's mine, but it has the defendant's fingerprints on it.

Lank: PENIS! The defendant doesn't have fingers!

IG Jay: OOPS! I MEANT HIS WING PRINTS WHEN I SENT THE REPORT!

Lank: O-kay…

*Lankworth's Knife added to the Court Record*

-Cross Examination-

-What I Saw-

*Bold is contradiction*

*Underline is Press*

1. THE DEFENDANT STABBED THE VICTIM WITH LANKWORTH'S KNIFE!

2. HE RAN AWAY!

3. I LIKE TURTLES!

4. I HAVE A PUSSY...CAT!

5. THE DEFENDANT IS SCREWED!

Lank: PENIS!

Lankworth: What are you even objecting to? And by the way, "TAKE THAT!" is now "TITTYFUCK!"

Lank: And "HOLD IT!"?

Lankworth: "HOLD IT, beyotch!"

Lank: Okay. Where was I again?

Lankworth: You were objecting to the witnesses testimony.

Lank: Oh yeah. The witness said "HE RAN AWAY!", but the witness doesn't have legs!

IG Jay: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lankworth: Ack!

Judge: Wow. I really didn't expect that!

Lankworth: Heh, heh, heh. PENIS!

Lank: What is it?

Judge: Do tell, Prosecutor Lankworth!

Lankworth: When the defendant wears the Power Glove, y'know, the one he stole, it gives him legs as well as an eyepiece!

Lank: ACK! NOOOOOOOOO!

Tits McGee: Is this really true, Mellow?

Mellow: No, it's not!

Lankworth: The defendant is lying! I have proof!

Lank: Oooof course you do…

Lankworth: Even better! It's a picture!

*Mellow's Picture added to the Court Record*

Mellow: Whelp, we're screwed...AGAIN!

Lank: ...HOLD IT, beyotch!

Lankworth: What lies and forged evidence are you ready to throw at me, son?

Lank: Oh, no. It's da troof!

Judge: I'll be the JUDGE of that! Ha, ha!

Lank: We'll just put MELLOW'S Power Glove on him, and we'll see if he grows legs or not.

Lankworth: Unluckily for you, it was confiscated and later burned.

Mellow: Please tell me he didn't just say that...That was a COLLECTOR'S ITEM SPECIAL AWESOMESAUCE EDITION .4!

Lank: That's tampering with evidence, Dad! You can't do that!

Lankworth: I didn't do it. Detective Dick Dickdick did it.

Lank: Then...dock his pay!

Lankworth: Gladly.

Judge: So, back to my verdict?

Lankworth:That would be best, Your Honor.

Lank: We are so screwed…

Tits McGee: ...PENIS! We'll simply just find another Collector's Item Special Awesomesauce Edition .4 Power Glove and put that on Mellow!

Lankworth: Nope. They were buried in a landfill in Mexico. They caused the Glove Industry Crash of 1983.

Tits McGee: Well, that'd be our luck…

Judge: This trial has gone on for long enough! The defendant, Mellow Marshmelloian the Mallian, is-

?: PEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!


	18. Foonocks Left and Turnabout

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 18: Foonocks Left and Turnabout-

Judge: Oh my! Who just yelled "PENIS!"?

?: It was me, Judge.

Judge: ...Oh! Mr. Left! It's good to see you.

Foonocks: Howdy, Lankworth.

Lankworth: Whoopty freaking do, Left.

Tits McGee: What the hell just happened?

Lank: Well, Foonocks Left showed up to show us some incriminating evidence that will turn this case around, right?

Foonocks: Nope. I'm actually here to admire Lankworth. But, I guess Detective Dick Dickdick can testify since he's the detective in charge of this case.

Judge: Agreed. We will take a ten minute recess so the prosecution can prepare its witness.

-Ten Minutes Later-

Judge: Has the prosecution prepared its witness?

Lankworth: Yes, Your Honor.

Judge: Witness, testify to the court...stuff about this case.

Dick: Yessir, Your Honor, sir!

-Witness Testimony-

-Stuff-

1. The defendant stole the Power Glove from the victim.

2. He then stabbed the victim with Lankoworth's knife.

3. The victim is dead.

Judge: Alright, Mr. Lank, you may begin your cross-examination.

Lank: Yes, Your Baldness.

-Cross-examination-

-Stuff-

1. The defendant stole the Power Glove from the victim.

2. He then stabbed the victim with Lankoworth's knife.

3. The victim is dead.

Lank: HOLD IT, beyotch! Isn't it strange you're stating the obvious, detective?

Lankworth: PENIS! The witness's stupidity is of no matter to this court.

Lank: PENIS! Yes it does! I think...the victim isn't dead!

Random Dude 1: Wut duh crap? What is he smoking?

Random Dude 2: I agree! His nonexistent badge should be revoked!

Random Dude 3: Considering the fact that Foonocks is here, the defense is probably right…

Judge: Order! ORDER! Order in the mothafu-

Lankworth: Whoa, Judge! No need to get excited!

Judge: I guess so… That reminds me. Can the defense prove its claim?

Lank: …

Tits McGee: Uh..yes we can, Your Honor…

Judge: Let me see some evidence, then.

Foonocks: Of course we have evidence, Your Honor.

Lankworth: Then show it already!

Foonocks: Uh...I think our good friend Lank can show it, can't you, Lank?

Tits McGee: I agree. Lank should show it.

Lank: I hate you guys…

Judge: Alrighty then, Lank, show us the evidence that proves the victim is alive.

Lank: TITTYFUCK! *shows Mellow's Picture*

Lankworth: Ha! How does that prove the victim is alive?

Judge: You better have a good explanation for this, or you'll get a serious penalty!

Lank: The reason this proves the victim is alive is:

1. Those aren't legs in the picture.

2. I hate you, Dad.

3. It's a baby picture of Cannon

-If you picked 1-

Lank: Those aren't legs in the picture!

Judge: Then what are they?

Lank: …

Tits McGee: They were dildos, Your Honor!

Judge: I don't allow such profanity in my court! I hereby hold the defense in contempt of court! *pounds gavel*

Lank: Good job, Tits McGee.

Tits McGee: It was worth a shot…

Judge: The defendant, Mellow Marshmalloian the Mellian is GUILTY of all charges. But with the power of saving, you can load your save to when you had to pick the three options! So, it's useless to say this…

-If you picked 2-

Lank: ...I hate you, Dad!

Lankworth: And I hate you too, son! I didn't raise you to hate me!

Lank: You abandoned me after Granddad was murdered!

Lankworth: But you stole my porn magazines!

Lank: Who still uses those?

Judge: I do...Oh yeah...The defendant, Mellow Marshmalloian the Mellian is GUILTY of all charges. But with the power of saving, you can load your save to when you had to pick the three options! So, it's useless to say this…

-If you picked 3-

Lank: It's a baby picture of Cannon!

Judge: If you don't mind me asking, how does that picture look anything like the victim?

Lank: It's simple, Judge, just turn the picture upside-down!

Judge: Hmm...Oh, I see it!

Lankworth: No…

Lank: The legs are Cannon's horns, since the picture is in black and white, the body is actually red, and the eyepiece is where he got a black eye from falling on his face as a baby!

Lankworth: PENIS! What about the wings?

Lank: Those? That's just his blanket!

Judge: Blimey, Lank, you've solved the case! So, I think I'm ready to give my verdict. The defendant, Mellow-

Lankworth: PENIS! You can't end it yet, Your Honor!

Judge: And why not?

Lank: What he said!

Lankworth: The defense has fought honorably, but if the victim is alive, where is he now?

Lank: Uh...I don't know…

Judge: Well, if the defense can't prove its claims, the trial is over.

Mellow: No, it's not!

Judge: The defendant?! Explain yourself! Why didn't you yell "PENIS!"?

Mellow: Sorry about that…*AH-HEM* PEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS!

Judge: Yes, defendant?

Mellow: I can prove the victim is alive.

Judge: You can?

Lankworth: You can?

Lank: YOU REALLY CAN?

Mellow: Yes, I can. If I just lather this place with butter and place a golden asshole somewhere, he'll show up.

Lankworth: That's absurd! You can't just-

Lank: PENIS! If this doesn't work...I'll declare my client guilty. But you have to let him do this.

Lankworth: Well, since it won't work, I'll let you try since you said you'll declare your client guilty if it doesn't work.

Judge: And since I don't clean this place, sure, you can do it.

-Ten Minutes Later-

Judge: Turns out, the cleaning guy was killed yesterday, so this better work!

Mellow: Don't worry, it will!

-Ten Minutes Later-

Judge: It hasn't worked yet…

Lankworth: Ha! I told you it wouldn't-

Cannon: Ermahgerd, golden assholes!

Lankworth: It can't be!

Lank: It's

Judge: The victim!

Foonocks: Well, that was one hell of a turnabout!

Judge: This was a waste of time...But since the evidence was burned and the "victim" is alive, the defendant is cleared of all charges. *pounds gavel* Court is adjourned.

-February 4th, 12:00 P.M.-

-District Court-

-Defendant's Lobby No. 2-

Lank: We did it!

Mellow: Yeah, I did do it.

Foonocks: Actually, you should thank me.

Lank: But who's the genius here?

Lankworth: ...I can't believe I lost to my son who doesn't even have an attorney's badge…

Lank: Go sulk somewhere else, Dad! For now, my friends and I are going to celebrate! And to top it all off-

?: Foonocks will take the bill!

Tits McGee: So, you're really here, Sis.

Boobs MaGoo: Yes, I am here. What did I miss?

Antoine: I don't know...EVERYTHING?!

Ginger: All that..matters...is heroin...and we're...all in th..is to...get...her…

Dick: Screw that! Lankworth fired me.

IG Jay: And I've been demoted to being a quiet person. You see, I'm not allowed to yell.

Lank: Thank God.

*Screen fades*

Narrator: And with that, Lank and co. continued onward to a normal writing style and a weirder world. From now until the end of the game, there will be no more Ace Attorney-esque trials, or will there?!


	19. Minus Four Plus Three

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 19: Minus Four Plus Three-

What an adventure Lank has had. Although the seemingly forgettable characters like Big Daddy, Frank, Bank, Wank, possibly Buttocks, and especially Jeremy the Coophaha and Bow-wow who were briefly mentioned, Lank had some fun parodying the Ace Attorney games which illustrated "new", memorable characters such as Miles Lankworth and Foonocks Left. But since this whole series is based around new characters meeting Lank in nearly every chapter and whether they are good or evil, who will Lank meet this time? He'll meet more than one "person" so-to-speak, but at the same time, four familiar faces will take their leave of absence.

Lank had just won his one and only trial. Mellow, for one, was still pissed at him because his Power Glove was gone forever, and no one could fix that.

"It's not my fault Detective Dick Dickdickdick destroyed your Power Glove!" Lank shouted.

"For one, there are only two 'dicks' in his last name. Secondly, I don't give a shit. I'll be pissed at you if I wanna be pissed at you!" Mellow replied.

"You can't argue with that logic…" Tits McGee interjected.

"So for now, I'll be leaving." Mellow told Lank.

"What?" Lank gasped. "You can't be serious!"

"Yes, I am…"

"And also, Lank, I think I need to leave as well…" Tits McGee said sheepishly.

"What th-"

"Me too, Lank. I'm taking Ginger to rehab to try to fix him." Antoine added. "It's weird why I didn't think of that before."

"Bye...bye...birdy…" Ginger said.

"But what about you, Tits McGee? Why do you have to go? YOU'RE MAI PROSTITUTE!" Lank commanded.

"Well, Boobs MaGoo got into some legal shit or something because of her prostituting." Tits McGee replied. "I'll have to go and defend her just like you did with Mellow."

"Don't remind me!" Mellow replied angrily.

"What am I supposed to do?! I'll get my ass kicked out there!" Lank scolded.

"Lank, you have the freaking Master Spork. You bawled your eyes out from breaking your original spork!" Mellow reminded Lank.

"Oh, that thing? It's kind of purely cosmetic. It has the same power of my regular spork, but it's nearly indestructible and it looks cool." Lank replied.

"...Uh...You...willn't...make eet…" Ginger derped GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECTLY PURPOSEFULLY!

"Thanks, Ginger, I know I can always count on you…" Lank mumbled.

"Uh...bye!" the four said as they sped off cartoony-like leaving a dust cloud behind them.

"Aaaaand, I'm back to going solo…" Lank thought out loud.

"You're not alone, mi compadre…" an unknown creature replied.

"AW! BANK! I thought Buttocks killed you with his magnificent - *cough* *cough* - I mean, big ass...ass!" Lank screamed.

"Who is this 'Bank' you speak of? I am none other than 6!" 6 retorted.

"And I'm 9!" another male creature exclaimed.

"And they call me !," a female creature added.

"And we are: The Three!" all exclaimed.

The Three, which is composed of 6, 9, and !, is a secret organization that fights for food. 6 is your average everyday burrito with a sombrero. 9 is a waffle with a jetpack. And finally, ! is a French prostitute who is french toast. Don't worry, they're the good guys at least until you kill some food. Basically, if they catch you eating, playing with, or destroying food, they'll come and kill you. But right now, Lank was pretty damn hungry.

Lank lunged towards 6 but missed. 9 retaliated by smacking into Lank with his jetpack. While Lank was dazed by the attack, ! used her prostitute powers to seduce Lank. And while he was being seduced, 6 recovered and drugged him with the drugs he smuggled across the border. tldr; Lank just got one-upped by FOOD. They tied Lank up and proceeded to throw him into a dungeon since they were close to their base. But since this was Lank's first offense, he'd only be interrogated.

But then something happened. Trees rustled and the ground shook. Dad must be going ape-shit right now… Lank thought.

"No I didn't!" Lank scolded.

Anyway, it must have not been an earthquake, but it was a creature who was sure fat beyond morbidly fat. It was a Death Bar. A Death Bar is a candy bar so fat, it will kill anyone who eats it all. But that only happens if you're really skinny. If you were average weight or fatter, you'd die before even finishing it. The company who made it, Horseshoes, made so much money from people attempting to eat it all thinking it was fake. They're dead now.

"Ayudame…" 6 managed to say.

"Shit…" 9 replied.

"Aw man!" ! added.

"It's the CEO of Horseshoes Inc…" 6 said.

"It's…" 9 failed to finish.

"Choc O. Lateman!" ! exclaimed.

"Wait...what?" Lank asked. "Who is this guy?"

This statement cause Choc O. Lateman to roar with anger. No one defaced him like Lank just did. If you didn't know already, Choc O. Lateman embodied himself into a Death Bar after he ate the first one ever made. After he finished it, his brain was quickly transplanted into a Death Bar so he could live. And at his size of 20 feet, he could crush anyone. And thanks to the scientists working at Horseshoes, they coated him in a formula that stopped him from melting.

Lank would have to team up with The Three to slay this beast. So basically, Lank would finally put his Master Spork to good use. But why is Choc O. Lateman out here? My guess is that he has history with The Three. But we'll learn about that more in the next chapter. But considering how hard the chocolate actually is and the non-melting coat, how will Lank and The Three defeat Choc O. Lateman? They'll have to be smart, which they're incapable of.


	20. With More Than One POV

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 20: With More Than One POV-

Lank and "co." have confronted Choc O. Lateman. Of course, they proceed to fight. To start off, ! tried seducing Choc O. Lateman, but it had no effect. Next, 9 used his jetpack to fly around Choc O. Lateman to make him dizzy while 6 sung him a Mexican lullaby. Finally, Lank struck Choc O. Lateman with all his might. Barely a dent was left in the towering foe.

"Well...shit!" Lank said.

"Y U try to kill me, foul peasants! I am rich! I'm invincible! Bwaaaaaaargh!" Choc O. Lateman roared.

Choc O. Lateman body-slammed the four. It was super effective...to the food at least. Lank suffered less injuries, but as for the food, they were squashed together. But, they made this work. They found out that since they were mushed together, they were now an Autofood! Once they regrouped, 6 was the head, 9 was the torso, and ! was the legs and feet. Together they were: The Sixty-Niners! I mean, c'mon, you expected a sixty-nine joke from their names anyway.

But their plan was to no avail. Since she's french toast, she doesn't work well as legs. 9 would also immediately start his jetpack, so they flew around aimlessly. Lank, however, found a decent strategy.

"Hey, Chocolate Man, c'mere!" Lank yelled.

"How dare you defy me by misusing my name!" Choc O. Lateman bellowed.

Choc O. Lateman was falling in an attempt to body-slam Lank to pieces. However, Lank has his Master Spork pointed upwards! So, with all his strength, Lank was able to pierce through Choc O. Lateman who started to bleed chocolate surprisingly enough.

But this caused another problem: Considering Choc O. Lateman's size, the whole place was flooding with chocolate! The Three worked together to fly away while Lank just sat there sitting on his Master Spork. The chocolate was thick, so how would he get out of here? Just then, Lank saw a bright light.

-POV: Antoine and Ginger-

Antoine had just left Lank. He really only wanted to take Ginger to rehab because he actually needed to go there too. You see, remember when Antoine got drunk and high off his ass while Link was around? Well after that, Antoine's drug addiction went up. Yes, up. In his teens much like Ginger, he too had a drug addiction. It kept him from becoming a Turtle God of Weather. And when Antoine's drug addiction started again, he started to lose his eyesight. Also because of this, he became constipated. He also had to pass a kidney stone and birth a baby. It was one fucked up time for Antoine. And if he kept doing drugs, he would go blind, have to pass another kidney stone, he'd have to birth octuplets, and finally, he'd implode from not being able to shit at all. So in a nutshell, Antoine needs to go to rehab more badly than Ginger did surprisingly enough.

"Are...we...the….re….yeee…..t?" Ginger asked.

"We're not in a car, Ginger! You don't have to ask that! And yes, we're here." Antoine scolded.

They were at Ripple Rump's Rudimentary Rehab. Ripple Rump had an ass for a face and thankfully, he didn't have a cock for the back of his head; instead, he had an octacock as the back of his head. He was a flying ass face. His case was similar to Antoine's, so he decided to stop people from having this _shit_ happening to them. Y'know, cause he's a face! And yes, he poops out his ass-face.

"Welcome, fellow guests!" Ripple Rump shouted. "Now, prepare to die...Antoine."

-POV: Mellow-

"I'm still pissed…" Mellow mumbled sitting his house playing Solitaire.

-POV: Tits McGee-

Figures, a prostitute lawyer got into legal trouble. Turns out, she wasn't actually arrested for being a prostitute; she was arrested for murder. But so was Miles Lankworth for some reason. Lankworth was on trial for a reason disclosed to the public, but it's probably for murder. He's being defended by Foonocks Left and being prosecuted by Manfredo de Carmack who was a 69 yro prosecutor who never lost a case since he cheats out the ass and the judge doesn't care at all.

So, who would be prosecuting Boobs MaGoo? It was Francisca de Carmack, of course! She was Manfredo de Karma's daughter. The trial went well. Detective Dick Dickdick screwed up his testimony. But the crappy part was that Francisca has a wet noodle she used to whip people with including the judge! But then, Tits McGee couldn't find the contradiction in the witness's testimony…

"So, the foolishly foolish fool couldn't foolishly think of a foolish rebuttal since the fool is a foolish sister of a foolish fool." Francisca taunted.

"You know the truth, bitch! Why won't you share it with the court! My sister is not guilty!" Tits McGee ranted.

"The truth is, Ms. McGee, that the defendant, Boobs MaGoo, is GUILTY." Judge bellowed.

"No…"

-POV: Lank-

And that was what Lank saw when the light shined.


	21. Dat Rehab

-The Legend of Lank-

-Chapter 21: Dat Rehab-

While Lank was floating in the middle of a chocolate ocean, Antoine on the other hand was at gunpoint. Although he had no idea who this Ripple Rump guy was, he apparently knew him from somewhere before. Antoine really didn't want to die right now. In fact, if he died right now, he'd go to Turtle Town. If you don't know what Turtle Town is, it was a turtle paradise. The keyword here is "was". After a while, a certain turtle named Wen D. Boner arrived. He knew Antoine very well. Wen found the town was destroyed and set off on a quest to kill all the narwhals he saw.

But that's beyond the point. He knew Antoine because they both did the same drugs as teenagers. But now that I've mentioned it, Antoine does seem to remember Wen talking about Ripple Rump once or twice.

"!" Antoine exclaimed.

"Have you figured it out yet?" Ripple Rump snickered.

"You're…"

"The one and only Papa Lewis Jr.!" he shouted.

"Wait...wut?" Ginger asked.

"I'm confused too…" Antoine confessed. "I was sure that you were Papa Lewis-"

"Sr.? Well, my friend, I'm the product of his asexual reproduction!"

"Ew…" Ginger said appalled by Papa Lewis Jr.

"My father is dead now…" he said. "So, I guess that's why he birthed me…"

"You know what I say to that, Mr. Ass-face octacock head?" Antoine asked.

"Pfft...What?" Papa Lewis Jr. chuckled.

"I GO THROUGH REHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAB!111111!111!1!11!11!11!1"

"Well, this _is_ a rehab center. But what will that-?" Papa Lewis Jr. started to say before being blinded by a light.

It was a transformation like no other! Antoine glowed and shimmered! He sparkled and gleamed! He became a bitch fighting machine! He had become...a Turtle God of Weather! Since you are ignorant to all this weird shit, let me inform you. This transformation is what rehab is...for turtles at least. Turtle Gods of Weather can control the, y'know, weather. Antoine wields a lightning bolt, but he's a little insane while in this form. Yes, he can become regular Antoine when he feels like it. But for now, it was time to kill the heir to the Papa Lewis family.

"Objurisdiction!" Ginger yelled.

Oh, I almost forgot… Since this a rehab place and all, Ginger went through rehab too! His burnt patches faded, his pupils weren't dilated, his hair even put gel in itself! To top it all off, a sparkle emitted from his smile. Mellow had Mellow 2.0, Antoine became a Turtle God of Weather, and Ginger became Ginger: Reborn!

"Now it's time to kick some butt!" Ginger exclaimed with his radio announcer voice.

"I probably should have prepared for this…" Papa Lewis Jr. mumbled to himself.

Antoine started out by striking him with a lightning bolt. He "YAAAAAAAOOOOOOOARGGGGGHed" and "WAAAAAAAAAAARRGHGHed", but he eventually collapsed on the floor. But it wasn't over yet, Ginger stole some cocaine from the floor and shoved it up Papa Lewis Jr.'s ass. Then, Antoine stuffed Meow Meow up his nose. Of course, Papa Lewis Jr. instantaneously woke up. The drugs took effect quickly, though.

You see, since Papa Lewis Jr. was a product of asexual reproduction, drugs worked differently on him too, To start things off, he became wrinkled like an old person. Next, he got a runny nose. After that, he hunched over also like an old person. Oddly enough, a can appeared from the ground that he used to stand himself up. He lost all his hair, any hair he had turned white, his dick fell off as did his balls, but the sack remained. His legs were amputated, and to top it all off, some shit got stuck coming halfway out his ass.

"That was messed up…" Antoine said disgusted by Papa Lewis's transformation.

"I agree!" Ginger agreed.

"You...did this to meeeee!" Papa Lewis Jr. said in his hoarse old man voice.

Antoine and Ginger seemed to forget Papa Lewis Jr. still had a gun. Luckily, right before he fired it at Ginger, Antoine struck him with another lightning bolt, knocking him dead.

-POV: Lank-

Yes, the previous segment was seen by Lank. Lank knew he had to get out of here, because he knew the flood would reach Tits McGee and Antoine and Ginger eventually. He headed north. Unluckily for him, the was Lank was going was the wrong way. None of his friends would be waiting for him to where he got. Not even The Three had ended up where Lank was going. Lank did wonder why there was a slight slope going downwards on his trip. But he did start to notice the slope was increasing and Lank was gaining speed. Lank knew where he was going now. There was no use in trying to escape. Escape is futile. Contact with the outside world is nonexistent. To cut to the chase, the place where Lank's going? It's Helluva!


End file.
